What....Happened?

September. Between now and my last post, there's been a whole spring and summer. Let me recap:

1. Work. Got. Crazy. When I came back from India, I was on fire with the religion of transforming what I was working on from a side project that the company was losing interest in to a core part of it's data strategy. That was a long, long shot, but...it worked! Not because I'm so great, but because the technologies I'm working with have such obvious promise. And the team I'm working with is riddled with self starters and risk takers. As a result, I'm now managing said team, reporting to a new boss who completely gets it, and am now completely underwater trying to get our strategy in order. No time for coding, it's all planning and strategery. And Travel. Like once every 2 weeks. Sigh. 
2. Ankle. Stayed f*cked all summer long. I tried to run on it a couple of times, but after it started feeling like I was pounding live tissue into pulp, I stopped. Completely, for 3 months. Fortunately, I did not prop my feet up on the couch and get fat. I found weightlifting and tabata intervals, which have really helped me (a) keep weight off and (b) get stronger. Now I'm running again, really short mileage. The ankle and hamstring still feel a little....off. But they are coming along. Who knows, I might get up to decent mileage, with an actual base, and solid leg and core strength.
3. Commuting. Got back on the trusty singlespeed again, and I'm riding in on a regular basis. This has proven to be the stress reliever I need between work and home, as well as the best way to come into work, period. Since the 520 toll has been put into effect, I-90 traffic has spiked, and I can count on passing many cars in a state of bridge-lock on the way to and from work.
4. Triathlons. Nope. Travel and family took priority. We had a great summer, road tripping through Oregon, relatives visiting, getting down to the lake, camping...none of that included long sessions on the bike or in the pool. I haven't been near a pool in months. And I haven't been regular on my road bike at all. However,
5. I got a mountainbike! Oh man I've been waiting for years to pull the trigger, and I did, on a Giant Anthem. Dual suspension, 29er, one word: wheee! Bumping through singletrack, especially the bermed corners of Duthie Hill, makes me feel like a teenager. And the increased leg strength from lots o squats and kettlebell swings makes it easier to muscle up the out-of-the-gate grind on Tiger Mountain. The Dual Suspension has saved my life multiple times when I pogoed my front end off of a deep drop.  My skills have declined, but the ride more than compensates! I've been able to get out early in the AM and crank out 8-10 beautiful singletrack miles, then get back in before K wakes up. Time will tell now that the days are getting shorter, but I'm thinking mtb'ing is the way I'll stay sane through the late fall and early spring. 

So now it's fall, my ankle is coming back on line, and I'm reasonably fit. I'm hoping it stays on-line, because running is the only way I'm going to keep off the travel pounds (those extra calories that sneak in via business dinner + drinks) when I'm on the road. I do need to drop some weight, and my 'self discipline' (quotation marks included for full effect) really sucks when it comes to good food and a drink or two. 

I also think it's time to get back in the pool. Mostly to recover from running and lifting. But this time I want to do it with some purpose...

1. The goal: swim 1500 meters straight. 
2. Why: 
1. this happens to be close enough to olympic swim distance, and I think that to do it well I need to work out any form issues I have along the way. 
2. if I'm going to increase my run mileage, I really need to actively recover every other day. 
3. When: at least 2 days a week. Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

Oh, and food.  More deep thoughts on that, hopefully sooner than 6 months from now :)

March Madness

whoa it's been a long time since I've posted. Let me summarize the last couple of months:

1. bad ankle messing with my running
2. discovered cross-fit lite -- I'm not officially a cross fitter, I just do lots of things with kettlebells on intervals. Its kicking my ass and actually making me stronger even though I'm not running
3. riding to work regularly -- joined a gym for the cross fit lite and the shower
4. starting to swim again. reconfirmed the fact that I tend to get a chlorine contact high. 

And this month? This month is fucking crazy travel month. I'm out of town every week. Good thing I'm not training for anything! 

This next week is Strata Conf, which is a great conference in a crappy place (San Jose). But I wont be going outside the whole time, so who cares about location ? :) Next week down to Burbank, the following week in Orlando, the next in Glendale. Serious wacky miles. 

But forget about all that. Today I want to tell a story about today. 

It had been a great day. I took the kids up to their ski lessons like I do every Sunday. After dropping them off at Summit Central, I drove the quick mile to Hyak, where I decided that with 13 inches of new snow and 25 degrees, I was going to board, and not skate ski. I rode little pillows for a couple of hours, after the first two turns I knew I had made the right choice, even though I really want to skate more this year. Hyak is such a great area, with such a local feel. I love the way they don't groom anything. And they have just the right spacing in the trees, really easy to link up some nice sections. 

Then I returned, picked the kids up from lessons and we ate lunch on the patio. It was sunny and snowing at the same time, and not cold at all. After lunch Kiran took off with his buddy Rohan to throw themselves off of the Summit Central black diamonds, a set of short, steep slopes that were very nice with the fresh blanket of soft, light powder. I was riding up with Leela. We all shared the same chair so I could 'keep an eye' on the boys, but Leela and I were doing laps of a series of blue runs. 

That was fine with me, I was feeling pretty mellow after my morning. Leela doesn't like being that high up in the chair, so she snuggles up to me on the way up, which is really nice. I know from going through this with her brother that these days of cuddling are coming to an end, so I'm soaking them up.  

I was just kicking back, enjoying being with my daughter, when she turned to me and said "Papa, I want to go down Nosedive".  She said it with the absolute conviction that she says most things. Just like her mother does.

Perhaps I should set some context. Nosedive is one of those short, steep black diamond slopes that Kiran and Rohan were charging down. Both boys are solid intermediate skiers, linking turns in the bumps, just starting to get into the rhythm of skiing. Leela is very much a beginner. She winds her way down the slope, going in and out of 'pizza' turns. She's little, and her whole body turns at the same time. Plus, she's cautious. She doesn't usually like steeps, her legs get tired and then all hell breaks loose. So for her to want to go down a black diamond was somewhat unexpected. 

"Well....ok. But why?" I asked -- I was more confused than anything at the sudden change in behavior. 

"Because  I want to go down a black diamond today."  Previous experience arguing with Leela had taught me that at this point questions and logic were useless. She is so much like her mother that way:) Besides, who am I to tell her that she shouldn't try going down a black diamond, on today of all days? The conditions were what we used to call "hero" conditions. We used to huck ourselves off of anything that scared us on days like today, because the snow was deep enough to cover all flaws, in the terrain or (more likely) in our technique. Besides, she's tiny. If it came to it, I could carry her down and slide the whole thing. 

That was that. She got off the chair and promptly pointed herself at Nosedive. I was behind her (I had to get in my binding) and so she pushed off down the semi catwalk that led to Nosedive and promptly went off course into...Revenge. 

Revenge is a real Northwest black diamond. It's steep, bumpy, and always has a surprise sheer ice patch or two somewhere on it no matter how much powder has fallen the night before.  Kiran had just successfully skiied it for the first time today, and it was such a big deal that his instructor gave him the 'most aggressive' award. Kiran was having a breakthrough day, and Revenge was the crucible that he had just conquered. It was also apparently going to be Leela's first black diamond run. 

"Papa am I off course?" Well, yes, sweetie, you are. The analytical part of me was sitting back, watching the experiment unfold. The father part of me was just happy that she was small enough for me to pick up if I really needed to. 

Leela proceeded to initiate her first turn into something really steep, and hit surprise ice patch number one. She slid out and down the hill a bit, coming to a stop with her skis all tangled up. I was above her and  I carved around her to get to her skis.  I was untangling her when a father and his teenage daughter came skiing up to Leela and I splayed out on the slope.

"Everything ok?" he asked, clearly wondering what kind of father would drag his obviously non expert daughter down one of the hardest slopes on the mountain. 

"Yeah....she said she wanted to go down a black diamond..."

"And here you are!" This time he said it with a grin. All was forgiven.

"And here we are. We're good, just...resting" That pretty much summed it up.

"She's so cute!" gushed his daughter as she came by. Yes, she is, I thought. And what a trooper. Leela wasn't freaked, or whiny, or any of that. She was trying to get up on a sideways slab of ice. I slid her down to a nice trough of powder and stood her up again.

"That was the only patch of ice on the mountain today, sweetie" I lied. "Nothing but turns in powder from here on down." She started doing her little pizza turns, winding down the hill, ducking behind the bumps. I rode above and behind, resetting her when she slid out two more times. 

Just then her brother came up.  "Papa! Are you insane!?! What are you thinking taking her down Revenge??" Great. Safety officer Kiran to the rescue. 

"Well, she wanted to try a black diamond..." this time it came out weaker, and he pounced on it.

"And you thought you'd try this one?" Oh boy. Now he sounded just like his mother. 

"Leela, you're doing great! Way to go!" Kiran shouted words of encouragement down to Leela and took off after her, shooting me a glare for good measure. 

It's amazing to see how far he's come in a season. His turns were crisp, his pole plants quick, his balance solid and centered. He quickly cut down to her and kept up the encouragement. 

"It's ok, Kiran, I've got her, you go back with Rohan". I finally convinced him to take off, near the bottom of the slope. Leela was really in a groove now, turning and turning and turning. I decided that the bad part was past, and shot past her to hit some nice pillows on the side. She came after me and we ended up on the long traverse back to the chair. 

What an amazing day with my kids. 

post vacation -- kids and L are almost back

Just got back from spending XMas with Mom -- much better than spending it alone in a bar, weeping over not having the kids and Lopa with me. She threw a great Xmas party. I thought that this years get together would be depressing w/o kids running around, but it was really fun and I actually got to talk to people! Spent the 26th over there, and returned late last night.

Today I expect I will be supporting 3 very grumpy, very jetlagged people. I did not know what to get for food, but I did get milk+eggs+fruit. That, coupled with bread, should get us by at least one meal. Then I'm going to make them pizza, and I'm going to also make my stew (this time, I won't cook it as fast) for next week.

The whole diet thing was derailed again by my dietary Kryptonite, sugar cookies and XMas desserts. Still, I did get in a 5 miler and a 4 miler at altitude. I also replaced my heart rate sensor battery, and saw some return to sanity with heart rate (still, much higher than usual, though).

Measurements: not sure if these are rounding errors or measurement errors, but I'm honing in on how I do this:

measurement	last week	this week
belly	35.5	35
chest	45	42
bicep	14.125	14.5
quad	23.125	23.5
waist	34	34

Not significant change, but I wasn't expecting any in a week of inconsistent, sugary eating :) Right now I'm nursing a bit of a cold, but hope to run (slowly!) through it to get my legs used to some motion.

one week back

Well, one week back from India, and I think my heart rate monitor is on the fritz. The HR readings are very high for the way I feel -- as in I don't feel as bad as my heart rate is telling me I should feel. Now, I'm out of shape after a month of sitting on my ass and eating really good food. But I would think that would mean that I would feel terrible while running, and I just feel slightly not so good, not terrible, not even close.

As far as diet -- Good God, Man, it's Christmas. My personal kryptonite, sugar cookies, surround me at every turn. Even my killer Paleo beef stew pales in taste when compared to an amazing sugar cookie or two. Plus, I like beer. Not terrible amounts. I had a pint the other night, a bottle the one before. So....not much happening on the weight loss count. I think I need to up the amount of exercise by biking into work. I'll set that up next week by getting a locker so I can shower up there.

Off to NM today -- taking the bus to the train to the airport. I fully expect tomorrow -- XMas -- to be all about good food. And possibly good scotch. At this point, I have to state my core belief -- life is too short to be miserable. So I'll go ahead and indulge slightly, and run it off the next day.

Run # 2, Paleo Diet, and the Universe

This morning (Tuesday) I went on the same run I did on Sunday. For some reason I felt like running hard at the end, and actually got my heart rate up to 189 -- that's pretty insanely high for me! The weird thing is that I wasn't hurting. This means I'm so out of shape I don't need to push that hard to get my HR up. Really Up. This changes my calcs of my training zones -- I'll recalc them once I get a decent measurement of resting HR.

Last night I cooked a Paleo stew, which tasted terrible at the time. I cooked enough for an army, and was really not looking forward to eating it. But, I heated it up tonight and....not bad! I forgot that stews get better with age.  

Post India Revelation: Great Food + No Exercise = Fat + Out of Shape

Unlike other vacations, India was not about doing things, it was about seeing people, and places, and eating along the way. The food was good up North. It was good down South. It was good home cooked. It was good in restaurants. It was good on safari. The food was quite consistently amazing, and I ate every meal like it was my last. Between bouts of sitting on my ass and/or sleeping.

Consequences? I am incredibly fucking out of shape. Strangely enough, I don't actually weigh that much more at all. I'm clocking in around 172. But I went out running today on a recovery run around the house. Normally this 4 mile run is my recovery run -- done very slow to make sure I don't get over 70% max heart rate. Its a hilly run, with approximately 600 feet climbing -- my house is the high point, so the first and last mile are steep down and steep up respectively. In late spring this year, I averaged 9:55/miles @ 138 BPM average HR. Today I averaged 10:15 @ 162 BPM. Thats right, slower pace at more apparent effort. 162-138/38 = 17% more effort to go 4% slower, to be concrete about it.  BTW I normally don't hit 162 except in long intervals and races.

As a bonus for slothing around and eating like a pig,  I've got incipient man boobs and significant love handles. Jesus. The Horror. Gentle reader, part of my motivation for getting my mojo back is pure shame at having moobs + mandles.

So, I've got a long ways to go to get back to being reasonably fit.

First thing first: diet. I've been reading about the Paleo Diet for some time, after talking to a friend who tried it and loved the way it made him feel. In the end, he loved bread more, but he goes Paleo when he starts training for events.
I'm going to eat as Paleo as I can. Given that this is the week before XMas, and Santa shaped Sugar Cookies are my Kryptonite, this will be a difficult challenge.

Second: how to measure. As shown above, weight apparently doesn't matter. Shape (literally) does. I can tell I have a (much!) bigger belly right now, so I'm going to measure it among other things to see whether I'm making progress.

• Belly: 35.5" (Good God, Man!)
• Waist: 34" (that's a whole lot of waist...)
• Chest: 45" (hard to tell how much of that is moobs)
• Bicep: 14.125" (shrunken from lack of activity)
• Quad: 23.125" (same)

I'm going to take measurements weekly, including the recovery run. Although next week is XMas at Moms house, not exactly a time and place you want to go all Spartan. The food is just too damn good! I'll bring the running shoes. If a  formerly-known-as-a-recovery-run kicks my ass this bad, doing it at 5000 feet ought to be, well, interesting. 

On Being Happy: Part 1: Stop Being So Back-Assward!

Just got back from a trip to India, which was the first time in years that I've been 'suspended from normalcy' enough to think about the big picture. I had a lot of time to think, to read, to hang out with family and some really great people I met there. India ended up being so much better than I ever thought it could be, mainly because of the people I met there. Hmmmm. People. I didn't think I liked them that much. Could I be on to something?

Well, yes.  Here it is: Life is about enjoying and experiencing other people. Fairly obvious to most everyone else, but this is big stuff for me!

Part of this revelation may have been influenced by some of the books I picked up during the trip. The amazing thing about books is that you find the ones you need when you need them. The Happiness Advantage and The Shift have really taught me to never judge a book by the initial "self improvement for greater work efficiency" covers, because they're really about being happy more than being an efficient corporate citizen.

This isn't the place for me to give you a blow by blow account of the books. If you can read this, you can read them. So let me summarize my takeaways from both books:

1. My quality of life is directly proportional to the quality of the relationships I have with the people around me.
2. Those relationships are much more effective at making me happy than than the things I do -- work, athletic endeavors, etc.
3. When I'm happy, the things I love to do tend to go much better.
4. When things get hard, the most important step I can take is to interact with other people. Not necessarily whine about my life, but involve myself in theirs to (a) forget about myself and (b) put my problems in the right perspective.

Wow. This is not my default operational mode. Let me revisit the Arun Jacob Standard Operating Manual:

1. I find happiness by pushing myself hard at work, at play, etc, because there is real meaning in pushing at my limits.
2. I have relationships through the things I do. They are by-products of the things I do -- they involve people that do those things.
3. My pursuit of happiness is largely a solitary effort. Lots of time is spent alone. Even in a group I'm focused on the activity first, the companionship second.
4. When the going gets hard, I go it alone. I don't want to burden anyone with my issues.

This approach worked quite well in my 20s, when my friends at work were my closest friends and we set up work to enable us to do the things we loved, which gave us a lot of time to snowboard, climb, etc. Oh, and we had a lot of time and flexibility in which to live this way. I had a blast. 

When kids came long, the time and flexibility went away, and my priorities and perspectives changed radically. I love my kids, and I love spending time with them. But I can't do that and go on weekend trips with the guys. Who have all since gotten married and had kids of their own, so they wouldn't be available anyways. So I shifted to a lot of solitary exercise. Long bike rides and runs really served to ground me. And I've found that triathlons can be as fun as long climbs or epic snowboarding days.

But right now, at (almost!) 43, married, as a husband and father who works for a large corporation that does not have the same snow day policy that my friends did, I don't have the option getting happiness and relationships as by products of work or play. That is quite simply an inefficient approach that doesn't scale to my life today, because to do it right would mean I have less time to be a husband and father. And I love being a husband and a father, so scaling back on either is not an option.

I'm not throwing everything out: in fact, I have no intention of throwing anything out -- maybe I'll put some stuff on the shelf, but long runs and rides, snowboarding, surfing are still as fun as ever. This year I want to go off-road with triathlons, and get back into mountainbiking, something that I really enjoyed before kids came along. And climbing was too much a part of my soul to ever completely let go of. I know there will be a time in my life when I will have the time to get back into it. 

But I've known for some time that I have a fundamental misalignment that is preventing me from being as happy as I can be. Now I see that doing these things in pursuit of happiness is putting the cart before the horse. 

When that happens on the job, I get frustrated, start whining, and quit. I've had a journeyman career, and while part of that has been great, it's actually been caused by how I work. I tunnel into hard problems because I enjoy them, but then I over extend, completely over work, and end up feeling unappreciated for my efforts. So I move on.

When that happens in a marriage ... lets just say that my amazing wife stuck it out through some very painful times during and after my dad got sick and passed away.  My initial tendencies during that time were to retreat into myself and lock everyone else out, including her. That didn't work out so well. Now time has passed, the kids are older, we have more time to talk, and we are enjoying one another. But when I look back at that time, I cannot explain how I got my head out of my ass, other than to say that something much bigger than me was doing the pulling. 

Another example: this past year in Triathlons I lost my way, putting mileage and target pace ahead of fundamental health. I'm still paying the price for that (hello, left achilles tendon!). The tris I did last summer were not nearly as fun as the ones I did the summer before, when I had no expectations. 

So while I am slowly moving in the right direction, I've still got a long way to go to change from pursuing happiness through activities to being happy by being with and around people. 

My pursuit of happiness is selfish. It absolutely is! But when I'm happy, I have a much better chance to make other people around me happy. And, as a husband, a father, a friend, a co-worker, a human, that seems like a very unselfish thing to do.

So. Where to go from here?